An Option That Started From Childhood.

When we were kids, I didn’t know you.

 

I knew your name.

 

I knew that we went to the same church.

 

...And that was about it.

 

Despite always seeing you (and maybe taking part in the rare random game idea that popped up), I didn’t know you, and I certainly didn’t know what the future held.

 

As the years passed, the inevitable came. We transitioned from our childhood days which consisted of shy acquaintanceship and the occasional adventure, to the game-changer that is adolescence.

Naturally, we drifted.

 

And as we drifted, we became enveloped in our own separate worlds.

 

We went to different schools. We had opposing personalities.

We had nothing to offer each other.

 

So, life continued on, and although always cordial, throughout our pubescence we never really…took notice of each other.

 

You were you, and I was me.

That’s how it always was.

 

That is until the shift came.

 

Before I knew it, it was senior year. Youthful and ambitious, I was excitedly awaiting the big changes that I knew laid before me.

Little did I know, one of those big changes – perhaps the biggest one – was you.

And after that one day that I started to take notice, nothing was the same.

 

New Year’s Day I grew to know you – the real you; your dreams, your skills, your backstory and your intended future.  What I had previously thought of as a frivolous crush quickly transformed into a true connection as we developed into something:

 

A relationship in all its youthful imperfection.  

 

It came with its complications: the necessary secrecy; some ill-judged decisions, but the thrill and the companionship that we offered each other was no match for the obstacles that stood in the way.

 

Weeks of our togetherness grew to a month, a month into much more.

 

And now I face a choice that I wish was as straightforward as university selection.

 

                There is no doubt that I’ll be leaving my small country in the coming year; this isn’t the cliché decision of whether to put the interests of someone else before yourself or vice versa.  This is the option of choosing to love someone wholeheartedly and face the inexorable heartbreak to both parties that will come along with that choice or robbing myself of the inexplicable experience that is him.

 

This is an option which I’m wrestling with. 

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